Christianity – the ultimate definition "The belief that a cosmic Jewish zombie who was his own father can make you live forever if you symbolically eat his flesh and telepathically tell him you accept him as your lord and master, so he can remove an evil force from your soul that is present in humanity because a rib-woman was convinced by a talking snake to eat from a magical tree."

http://jesusneverexisted.com/neighbour.html

le voici le voilà , le même site en français..certes la partie humouristique est en anglais. ce n'est pas grave. vous avez toujours google traducteur.

http://jesusneverexisted.com/nazareth-french.html


THIS IS ONE WEBSITE YOU SHOULD EXPLORE ..THERE ARE LOT OF MATTER FOR LAUGHTER ..AND ONLY LAUGHTER CAN MAKE US SEE THE TRUTH..AS CLOWNS EXPLAINED SUBTLE TRUTHS TO FRENCH KINGS WHO KEPT DWARFS IN THEIR COURTS TO BRING ENTERTAINMENT WITH INTELLIGENCE.

Here is just "un avant goût ":

Pagans Knew Better

Porphyry (232-305) was the nemesis of the Christians. They 'refuted' him for generations and then settled for burning his books.
"A famous saying of the Teacher is this one: 'Unless you eat my flesh and drink my blood, you will have no life in yourselves.'
...

This saying is not only beastly and absurd; it is more absurd than absurdity itself and more beastly than any beast: that a man should savor human flesh or drink the blood ... and that by so doing this he should obtain eternal life!

Tell us: in recommending this sort of practice, do you not reduce human existence to savagery of a most unimaginable sort?"
– Porphyry Against the Christians (Hoffmann, p49).

ready ...now have a hearty laughter ..He is real joker that middle-east man called JC who says that Jews are Arabs...!  Can Palestinians go to ISRAEL without passport and stay there ..? lol..ha ha ha

Animal cruelty


Your pets could be in danger – JC drove pigs to suicide.

"And the unclean spirits went out, and entered into the swine: and the herd ran violently down a steep place into the sea, (they were about two thousand); and were choked in the sea."
– Mark 5.13








Fruit bushes – could suffer from Jesus blight


Jesus the credulous



JC's presence next door could prove useful at the barbeque (a few sardines and a couple of bagels will feed everyone).

But be wary if you get ill – this guy thinks sickness is caused by demonic possession and we all know what happened in The Exorcist.

JC-the-role-model does humanity no favours by discouraging critical thinking and promoting popular credulity.

By encouraging belief in the irrational and the fantastic it leaves people – particularly the simple, the uneducated and the young – open to charlatans and con artists, as two thousand years of Christian history tragically illustrates.


Family Discord



Your family could be at risk! JC advised hatred of family members before you could join his gang.

Jesus mocked traditional values of family, food practices and religious observance and even offered a bribe for abandoning wives and children:

"And every one that hath forsaken houses, or brethren, or sisters, or father, or mother, or wife, or children, or lands, for my name's sake, shall receive an hundredfold, and shall inherit everlasting life."

– Matthew 19.29.



Jesus Freaks Could be Armed!



"He that hath no sword, let him sell his garment, and buy one."
– Luke 22.36.



A Good Whipping for Jesus



Flagellants have emerged repeatedly in Christian history, notably the "Disciplinata di Gesu Cristo" led by friar Raniero Fasani in 13th century plague-ravaged Italy.

Stripped to the waist, the penitents scourged themselves till the blood ran. It didn't seem to affect the plague much.



Jesus Christ – A Superman for All Seasons

Odd kink



Whether man, god or fabrication, why on earth does JC require a woman to wipe his feet with her hair?


"Then took Mary a pound of ointment of spikenard, very costly, and anointed the feet of Jesus, and wiped his feet with her hair."
– John 12.3.

JC – Is he Gay?



"Going at once to Jesus, Judas said, "Rabbi!" and kissed him." – Mark 14.45.

At dinner parties Jesus has a penchant for washing feet. He also has scantily clad male admirers.

"A young man, wearing nothing but a linen garment, was following Jesus. When they seized him, he fled naked, leaving his garment behind." – Mark 14.51,52.

Jesus commented on hundreds of controversial issues but curiously homosexuality was not one of them. Perhaps the "Secret Mark" gospel explains why ...

"But the youth, looking upon him, loved him and began to beseech him that he might be with him.

And going out of the tomb, they came into the house of the youth, for he was rich.

And after six days Jesus told him what to do, and in the evening the youth comes to him, wearing a linen cloth over his naked body.

And he remained with him that night, for Jesus taught him the mystery of the Kingdom of God."

– Secret Gospel of Mark


"Shame" of long hair says St Paul




"Doth not even nature itself teach you, that, if a man have long hair, it is a shame unto him?"
– 1 Corinthians 11.14.

Hippy Lifestyle?



"Take no thought for the morrow." – Matthew 6.34.

"Therefore I say unto you, Take no thought for your life, what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink; nor yet for your body, what ye shall put on.

Is not the life more than meat, and the body than raiment?"
– Matthew 6.25.

I guess that rules out school and the shopping mall.

JC is intolerant prude?



"Whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart. And if thy right eye offend thee, pluck it out ... And if thy right hand offend thee, cut it off." – Matthew 5.28,30

Jesus is seriously disturbed here. He demands self-blinding and amputation to avoid the odd lusty thought.

And just what is so terrible about admiring a woman's beauty? JC is sexless?


JC is a misogynist?



"Simon Peter said to them: Let Mary go forth from among us, for women are not worthy of the life.

Jesus said: Behold, I shall lead her, that I may make her male, in order that she also may become a living spirit like you males.

For every woman who makes herself male shall enter into the kingdom of heaven."

– Gospel of Thomas 114.


Even if we discount the Gospel of Thomas, the fact remains JC accepted without question the subordination of women in his society.

JC is a Republican?



Jesus has a questionable sense of fairness. He says the rich should be made richer and the poor poorer.

"For whosoever hath, to him shall be given, and he shall have more abundance: but whosoever hath not, from him shall be taken away even that he hath."

– Matthew 13.12.


JC is a Communist?



Then again, Jesus advises the rich to dispose of their wealth.

"If thou wilt be perfect, go and sell that which thou hast, and give to the poor." – Matthew 19.21.

"Lay not up for yourselves treasures upon earth, where moth and rust doth corrupt, and where thieves break through and steal." – Matthew 6:19


Not exactly the Capitalist way.

And what about those beautifully rich churches? Sounds a bit like Commie stuff to me.

Actually, both Lao-tse and Buddha offered similar impractical platitudes, 600 years before Christ.



Judge Jesus Won't Judge! Attorneys panic

"For the Father judgeth no man, but hath committed all judgment unto the Son."
– John 5.22.

"And Jesus said, For judgment I am come into this world." – John 9.39.

"I judge no man." – John 8.15.

"I came not to judge the world, but to save the world." – John 12.47.

"Judge not, and ye shall not be judged." – Luke 6.37.



Bitter Puritan

"In the Gospels Jesus utters hardly a single sentiment which, apart from chastity, he does not violate ...

He has not one word of guidance in the great problems of social life because be believes that the world is coming to an end.

He is the archetype of the Puritans: scornful of all that is fair in life, bitter and unjust to those who differ from him, quite impracticable – nay foolish – in many of his counsels. It is absurd to say that our modern world has any use for Christ."

– Joseph McCabe (Did Jesus Ever Live?)



Christianity – the ultimate definition

"The belief that a cosmic Jewish zombie who was his own father can make you live forever if you symbolically eat his flesh and telepathically tell him you accept him as your lord and master, so he can remove an evil force from your soul that is present in humanity because a rib-woman was convinced by a talking snake to eat from a magical tree."

– Joel Grus (Your Religion is False)

http://jesusneverexisted.com/neighbour.html